Lost without you
by mylittlehairybutt
Summary: Tony is left mourning her. She cant be gone can she?. I don't know what this is or what it is going to become but please read. TIVA.


**I wrote this a really long time ago, I have never been completely happy with it but I thought I would post it any way. So please review.**

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Tony sat slouched on the couch staring absent mindedly at the blank screen of the television. His thoughts where just as blank as the television screen. The days had been pacing buy each one more painful then the last he continued to just stare for an endless amount of time. Someone tapped loudly on the door to his apartment, but it only registered as a faint sound to him. The person at the door gave up knocking and just opened it walking into Tony's dark and musty living room.

"It's time to go Tony" Gibbs sad solemnly. Tony didn't reply. "You need to get dressed". Tony glanced down noticing he was still wearing the boxers from three days ago. He just shook his head. Gibbs sighed and walked towards Tony's wardrobe he pulled a fancy black suit out, and a pair of socks, he gently laid them out on the bed.

"We are going to be late" Gibbs informed checking his watch.

"I'm not going Boss" Tony spoke for the first time.

"You have to Tony, she would want you to." Gibbs placed a comforting hand on Tony's shoulder.

"But if I go, it, it will me she is really gone" his bottom lip quivered as he spoke. "And I don't think I will be able to handle that" Tony looked at Gibbs with sad eyes.

"Tony, Ziva would want you to be there, and if you miss it you won't ever forgive yourself" Tony nodded he knew Gibbs was right, like always.  
I will go get Abby and then come back"

"Ok" Tony slowly stood up and made his way to his bedroom.

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Gibbs knocked on Abby's apartment door. Abby opened the door; her eyes where puffy from crying and Gibbs noticed that she was wearing more black than usual.

"Hey Gibbs"

"You ready Abbs?" Abby nodded.

"Let me just get my coat" Abby disappeared into her bedroom, returning with a long black coat. Gibbs turned to leave expecting Abby to follow.

"Why Ziva Gibbs? I mean first Kate and now Ziva." Abby's voice was shaking and she chocked back tears.

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Gibbs, Abby, Tony, McGee, Ducky and Palmer stood in front of the coffin saying there final goodbyes. They each placed a single red rose before walking away, except for Tony.

"I'm Sorry Ziva, this wasn't supposed to happen" Tears began to trickle down Tony's face. "I hope you will forgive me, I will always love you" Tony gently placed a rose on top of the pile, and then joined the group.

"I think I am just going to go home" Tony didn't want to go to the wake all he wanted was to be alone.

"Ill drive you home" Gibbs offered.

"No, it's ok I rather walk" No one objected so Tony turned away with his hands in his pockets.

"He blames himself doesn't he?" McGee asked

"He does" Ducky answered.

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Tony had been walking aimlessly for about an hour, he didn't know where he was walking he just needed to keep walking. He kept replaying the last memory of Ziva he had, she had waved to him as she drove away, she had only gone out to get groceries but instead she was killed. 'it is my fault I shouldn't have let her out of my sight with that psycho on the loose' Tony was so engrossed with his own thoughts he hadn't realized he was back in the cemetery, he found himself standing on the fresh grave that still had a temporary head stone.

"I'm sorry, so sorry, why did they take you why not me" Soft rain drops began to fall from the sky that soon turned into drenching rain. He looked up at the dark rain clouds.

"Why did you take her from me, she was a good person. What did I do to deserve this first Kate then Paula and now Ziva, why?" Tony yelled collapsing to the wet grass.

"Why?" he sobbed. It felt like some one had ripped his heart from his chest yet again.

"I need her" he pleaded even though he knew he would never see her face again. "Please give her back to me"

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**It's not the greatest story I don't know what is happening in it yet so yer but thanks for reading. **


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